Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
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