we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
