Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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