Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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