I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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