Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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