I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
