ya dads aren't the best wingmen
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
