The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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