Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
