the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
