So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
cat food counts as protein by the way
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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