its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
