so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
