I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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