I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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