will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
