When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize