So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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