Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
