After last night, I could never be a politician.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
