The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
