I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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