My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
