We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We left an ass print on the piano.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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