Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
