i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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