Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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