the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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