I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
