those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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