I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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