Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
