so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
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I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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