finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
