No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
