His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There's always time for handjobs
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
