evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
