He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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