if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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