I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
