Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
