I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
there was a trapeze. enough said
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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