im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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