So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
