How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
