Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
