She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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