i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
