Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
