I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
