is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
