Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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