She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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