i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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