We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
