I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
