Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
