It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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