I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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