I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
