remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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