as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
