Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
