a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
