oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
is wine microwaveable?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
