nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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