I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
