saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
